Chapter 67: V.S. Monoz Tank Part 1

Which came first—the madness or the strength?

Are they strong because they’re perverts, or are they allowed to be perverts because they’re strong?

『Foooooooh!  Claaaariiiisssaaaaa!  Foh, foh, fooooooh!』

That shriek—half howl, half love cry—crackled through the comms, and I found myself pondering that very question while watching a tank tear across the sandy plains.

The desert where this job had brought us was merciless to vehicles. The wind-shaped ground rippled like fish scales, throwing every tread and tire off balance.

Even with high-grade treads built for rough terrain, could a tank really move that fast? …Well, he is a Dog. A perverted one—but still, a Dog. That explains everything.

『Keepin’ up back there, Hoooound?』

To avoid losing sight of him, we pressed forward too.

A Monok couldn’t handle this kind of terrain, and even turning it into a ball bike like Shinzo’s hadn’t worked. So, I improvised—using Ox Unit, Horse Unit, and Dragon Unit to cobble together a three-wheeled ball buggy.

Whether it was good engineering or Eevee’s driving skill—or both—we somehow managed to keep pace with the maniac and his tank. Considering that the rest of my Monoz and even Rudo had fallen behind, I’d call that impressive.

And we weren’t the only ones still in it.

“It’s fine. We can handle this… so can he.”

『No way, no way, no waaaay…』

He sounded ready to cry—

『This is the best! Yeeeehaaa!』

—and then snapped straight into ecstasy.

Judging by Tank Dog’s level of derangement, I had a feeling his pants situation was dire. Assuming he was wearing any.

“…”

Pervert.

I muttered it under my breath, clinging to Eevee’s back and feeling the heat of her body through the vibration of the buggy.

I glanced behind us. I didn’t even need the scope—the target was massive.

It was almost mocking, that structure.

A tank built from a single, gigantic Monoz.

Same core concept as the Monok units, but wrapped in fake armor and a hollow gun turret, like a papier-mache war machine.

That sly bastard Potato Man—pretending not to know. “What’d you hire the search dog for?” he’d said. As if he hadn’t known exactly what we’d be up against.

“—”

As the beast rotated, I caught sight—just for an instant—of the Monoz’s eye beneath the armor, a flicker of Tree Crystal light glinting through the gap between hull and sand.

I steadied my aim and fired.

The buggy jolted hard across uneven ground, and Eevee let out a startled “Hya!” The shot wavered with the bounce, punching a hole through the tank’s front armor.

Schlurp.

Something writhed within.

I knew that movement. Biological repair—but more refined than before. The fleshy worms squirmed, sealing the breach, hardening. Within a second, the armor had reformed seamlessly.

That was new—something the earlier humanoid units hadn’t had. But the stench of Marche’s organization was all over it. I’d have to thank Potato Man later.

First, though—let’s end this job quickly.

Maybe that thought reached it somehow, because the Monoz tank glided forward with the signature, fluid slide of a Ball-Hull type.

In a blink, it was right behind us.

Ah. This was going to be bad.

“Eevee.”

“What!?”

“Speed up.”

“Wha—?”

“The main gun.”

“The what!?”

A deafening blast shook the air.

The Monoz tank lurched backward under the recoil, the sheer force of it telling me everything I needed to know about its power.

That was all the warning I needed—not an invitation to find out what it felt like firsthand.

I clamped my legs around the buggy and braced my body tight.

“Eevee, right.”

“The rice-bowl hand?”

No—the chopstick hand.

But there was no time to correct her tone. I pulled her close.

“Sync with me.”

I said it, then threw my weight right. The shift slammed into the frame, helping the three Monoz serving as our wheels to make the turn.

Our answer to the Monoz tank’s earlier trick.

The slick, gliding slide unique to the Ball-Wheel type.

The shell screamed past us, close enough to taste the heat. A tower of sand erupted where we’d just been.

Terrifying.

What was? The firepower? No—

“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiyahhoooooooooo!”

—that mindset. The fact that he could drive straight into that sand pillar, screaming with joy.

I didn’t even see when he’d turned. But he must’ve caught the moment when the Monoz tank’s speed dipped—just a heartbeat—after firing. Before the behemoth could recover, his own tank lunged, closing in fast.

The twin blades mounted on its front armor—like a stag beetle’s mandibles—were ready to strike.

No good. Bad move.

The Monoz tank recovered faster than expected. That charge was about to whiff completely.

I thought so—and sure enough, the Monoz tank slid sharply left.

Tank Dog’s machine barreled through empty air—

『Don’t run away from me, Bunnnnnnyyyy!』

—but it didn’t miss.

The hull twisted, cutting a wide, sweeping arc.

Orbiting the Monoz tank, Tank Dog’s vehicle dug its twin blades into the armor’s surface, slowing its own rotation as it circled the giant like a planet around its sun.

The Monoz tank had dodged left to avoid a frontal collision.

But Tank Dog—he’d read it, and swung right into that path.

『Gooooooooh! Claaaaa! Rissaaaaaaan!』

His voice exploded through the comms, loud enough to drown out the thunder of battle.

That guy’s voice was too damn loud.